Confidence is overrated
Silence is more powerful than ever
Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels
The heroes we read about as children are always the humble, quietly powerful underdogs who save the day against all odds.
Think of the children in Roald Dahl novels.
They are generally quiet, thoughtful young people from dysfunctional families who don’t seek glory for themselves.
They succeed by outlasting, and outfoxing their loud and greedy, adult overlords.
As we become teens the heroes become more potent. But even comic book heroes are quiet men and women who disguise their true power behind meek exteriors and exotic masks.
As we graduate from our teens into the world of work, we experience a tremendous shift towards a very different paradigm altogether.
Suddenly we realise that the brash sociopathic, workaholic, Type-A personalities are in charge.
Suddenly, to compete we must speak up, show up, lean in, be assertive, negotiate and, of course, close. Always be closing.
Confidence is major currency in modern society.
Business courses and products are sold by YouTube mouthpieces and Instagram influencers striking self-aware poses to sell their ‘personal brand’ to voracious followers.
We must fight for what we are worth, grind every day, 10x our productivity and follow advice form confident entrepreneurs with cult-like status.
Some of the business gurus on social media are so upbeat and hyperbolic as to defy logic.
Real workplaces aren’t full of these types, but it’s tempting to think that this aggressive attitude is the key to success.
In the real world of work, the ability to listen calmly and understand is in high demand.
The very confident among us need to be seen, and like to be visible during meetings. So they raise their voices and make themselves heard first. They dominate conversations and make sure their ideas are heard.
But even when they aren’t talking, they aren’t really listening.
It’s therefore easy to think that if you aren’t confident or loud, then your opinion doesn’t matter.
This is not true. Your voice is important, but in the silence you are listening and learning.
“Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something. Sometimes one creates a significant impression by remaining silent.”
- Dalai Lama.
The most qualified person at my last company was also the quietest.
During meetings the atmosphere could be uncomfortable. Conflicting personalities would battle for recognition and others would anxiously point out the possible negative outcomes of any company initiative.
It was difficult to get to decisions quickly with these personalities in the room.
But there was always one voice that was quiet until just the right moment. Let’s call him Angus.
Angus would sit and listen hard. He was trying to understand
He wouldn’t smile at our jokes and he wouldn’t frown at our arguments.
But when the most confident people in the room lost their momentum, or when a decision could not be reached, Angus would clear his throat and offer a perspective that none of us had considered.
I would always look forward to Angus’ contributions but I would never directly ask him for it. I knew that he needed time to hear everyone’s point of view.
Because he didn’t have a need to be liked, or be heard. He knew he had to listen take an objective view of any problem we had and deliver high-quality ideas at the right time.
And that’s a great skill.
