I’m Letting My Son Get Hurt

My gut says it’s the right thing to do.

I’ve lost count of the number of bruises, cuts and black eyes sustained by my my toddler in his first three years of life.

He’s also sustained bleeding lips, a bumped head, grazed palms and a burned tongue.

Once, while cutting his nails I accidentally cut into this finger. I was distraught and he didn’t want his nails to be cut for a while after.

He’s fallen out of bed, toppled off his balance-bike, tripped off a wall and slipped off a chair.

On one occasion I tripped on the stairs while carrying him and, through some sort of primal-gymnastic reflex managed to keep him aloft, though his head made dramatic contact with my shoulder.

My wife has done the same.

The list of accidents continues to grow.

I’m sure I’m not the most relaxed parent. I take a sharp breath 4–5 times per day in anticipation of every collision in which he is involved.

But I’m hopeful that all the knocks and scrapes teach him what his body can do, and how quickly it can heal.

At first he couldn’t even bear to look at any cuts he found on his knees after a day outside, but he’s getting better. Now he understands that if he waits a few days, the wound will heal.

Surely there is a broader lesson here?

I find myself in awe of my son and the way he explores the world. He tests boundaries until he feels a pain response and then he learns as a result.

For example, he once hit his head on the corner of the island in our kitchen. He has run, cycled and skipped past that same edge thousands of times since and never has he suffered the same injury.

I think, as an adult, I have forgotten to follow his example.

In adulthood, we become less likely to take risks, and therefore less apt to grow as a result.

It’s important we don’t wrap our children in bubble wrap, but I claim it’s just as important not to wrap ourselves up either.

In our career we may stop testing ourselves and leave opportunities on the table, lest they contain any risk of suffering.

Similarly, in our relationships, we may be tempted to place protective barriers between us and any potential for disappointment or pain.

But if we are not exposed to the opportunity to hurt. Then we are doomed never to feel truly alive.

The best way to show our kids the truth of this statement is to challenge ourselves, to be hurt and to grow in front of them.

Perhaps this means speaking the truth, even when it causes short-term pain, or being ambitious at work even though we may come up short at first.

Also, a final note to any fathers concerned about how they will cope as a daddy.

Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Learn the route to A&E.

Thanks to god I’ve not had to go there yet. But surely it’s a matter of time.

Please tell me about your kids accidents and emergencies in the comments below, so that I don’t feel like the only careless father!